Where is God When You Can’t Get Pregnant?


Today’s post has been prayed for, labored over, talked about and worked on for weeks and weeks. Rebekah from Barren to Beautiful has poured her heart and soul into these words and we have high hopes that they will encourage many women out there struggling with infertility. Please pass this on to anyone in your life who it might encourage. 

Help for those struggling with infertility

No one ever plans on infertility. No one ever really thinks about it, until you want to have a baby and then….you can’t.

Thanks to an overflow of labor scenes in movies or TV shows, we are all well aware that labor hurts… a lot. What most people don’t know is this: infertility hurts too. It’s not the loud, screaming kind of pain. It’s long, and slow, and quiet. It’s a different kind of labor altogether. A labor of the soul.

The Pain of Infertility

It happens when you toss another negative pregnancy test in the trash can and sit on your bathroom floor and cry.

It happens when you lay in your bed at night, and your husband holds you as you stare into the darkness, while silent tears fall into your pillow.

It happens when you sit at a baby shower and hear all the “Ooh’s” and “Aah’s” over every little, tiny gift, and wonder if you will ever have any little, tiny gifts of your own to open?

It happens when you look in the mirror at your flat stomach, and put your hand over it, and pray for life to grow. And try to imagine what it would look like, what it would feel like, if it did?

It happens when people come up to you and say, “Hey! Isn’t it about time you two started having kids?” And you smile. (A big, fake smile.) To hide your pain.

It happens when you see teenagers pushing strollers past your house. And when the minivan full of children opens it’s doors. And when a friend says they had another “oopsies” pregnancy. And you wonder: Why is this so easy for everyone else? Except us?

I know these things, because I felt them all; I lived them all. I thought it would be so easy for us to conceive on the first try. But it wasn’t. It would take two years before ever getting pregnant. Two years that would feel so much longer that. Two years that would wear on our hope. And wear on our souls.

Finding Freedom Through Surrender

Maybe you’re wondering when your journey of “trying to conceive” will end, or where it will even lead? Maybe you weren’t expecting it to take so long and you’re wondering when you can get off this cycle of waiting?

Although the waiting was long, and hard, and often painful, God did something miraculous in me during this season. I want you to know that God did graciously heal my womb, and I was able to give birth to a beautiful baby girl whom I could never deserve in a thousand lifetimes. But what I want to share is not how He healed my womb, but how He healed my heart. Because in some ways, that was the bigger miracle.

I wanted so badly to be in charge. I wanted to call the shots. I wanted life to go the way I planned. But instead of getting any of the things I wanted, God took me on a journey of surrender to Him and showed me that He was worthy of my trust, whether or not I had a baby. He showed me how to worship Him while my hands were still empty, and my womb was still barren.

As month after month of disappointment went by, the only thing I knew how to do was to tolerate God’s will while being unable to get pregnant. I actually became pretty good at “tolerating” God’s plan for my life. But you know what? God didn’t just want me to tolerate Him or His plan. He says in His Word, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thes. 5:16-18) So instead of just “tolerating” what God was doing, God was calling me to embrace and rejoice in who He is, trust His goodness despite my infertility, and to be thankful. I had to realize that if this was God’s will for me not to get pregnant, I needed to start thanking Him for it. (And not just begrudgingly thank Him, but joyfully!) So practically, I had to find reasons to thank Him for what He was doing in my life.

Encouragement for infertility

How Gratitude Opened My Eyes

So, like God’s Word told me to do, I found reasons to be thankful. I thanked God for every little thing I could think of about my situation. I thanked Him that I didn’t have to go through morning sickness, or pregnancy, or labor, that I didn’t have to stop exercising, that I got so much time with my husband, that we could travel, stay up late at night, sleep in on Saturdays, that I wouldn’t have to worry about baby weight, or a flabby stomach, or flabby arms (Alright, I was slightly vain.) But I was also thanking Him for His unique plan for me, for protecting my body from something I might not be able to handle, for the people He had already placed in my life to love, and for all He had already entrusted to me.

I admit at first, these prayers of thanks felt kind of awkward and flat. Was I really thanking God for withholding the thing I so desperately wanted? Yes. And it was this kind of gratitude that opened my eyes to see what God was already doing in my present stage of life. It opened my heart to trust Him and to desire His will above my own, even if I didn’t understand it. (Proverbs 3:5-6) It opened my arms to embrace Him, to embrace all of Him, whether or not I ever got pregnant. For once, I was not worshiping God with clenched fists, but with open hands.

I learned that only open hands can receive from the Lord, not clenched ones. As I stretched my hands open, I could finally receive what He had been trying to give me all along: Himself.

The deep longing and aching I felt within me for a child could only ever be satisfied in Him. When I found my joy in Him alone, and not in what I wanted Him to give me, I was finally content. I was finally at peace. I was finally happy. I no longer felt jealous of all the women in my life with babies. “Infertility” no longer sounded like a death sentence; it sounded like a beautiful calling to something different than I had planned. I realized that even though no child lived in my womb, the Holy Spirit lived in me. If my womb was empty, my heart was full of life, and full of God. I was alive in Him. And He was alive in me. That was a miracle.Does god care about infirtility

Hope for Your Journey

Some of you might be wondering, “How can I act like I’m happy or thankful about this, when…this is just so hard?” “How can I find joy in this?” Or maybe your are just shaking your head saying, “No,’ I could never ‘thank’ God for what I’ve experienced.” I understand that. I didn’t jump to these conclusions the first month I got that negative test. It took me years to loosen the grip I thought I had on my life, and my womb. And I know this is hard.

If you’re in the midst of this struggle, I want to give you just a few truths to cling onto during this time:

  1. God is sovereign over your life and all the details.

You won’t hear this anywhere else in our culture. Everyone is always telling you that you are in control of your life. But God’s Word clearly tells us otherwise. While He does set us in charge as stewards of many things, there are some things we simply don’t have the power to bring about: like bringing a human into existence. Rest in the fact, that God is in charge of your life. “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16)

  1. God is doing what’s best for you, even when you can’t see it.

We often think we know what is best for ourselves, when in truth, only God does. It’s hard because it seems like He gives some people the permission to “plan” out exactly when they will have children, and how spaced apart they will be. While others, (like me) don’t have that luxury. We can rest in the fact that He is acting in wisdom and love toward us, and He can see things that we simply cannot. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

  1. God’s timing and ways are infinitely better than ours.

Again, we have to believe that God is wiser than we are and His timing is perfect. There are some things we simply won’t understand until we are face to face with Him one day. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9) He already knows if/when your body can or can’t handle a pregnancy, if you are going to mother a baby from across the ocean one day, if you will be needed to take care of some ill family member next year, or if you will be chosen for some other unique task. I don’t know. But He does, and so as the “waiting” gets long, we can keep thanking Him that he can see ahead, and He is wise.

  1. Suffering transforms our character and puts our hope in God.

No one likes to suffer. In fact, we avoid it at all costs. However, suffering can produce good in our lives if we let it. God uses suffering as one of his primary ways to speak to us, reveal our idols and ultimately to shape us to look more like him. “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” (Romans 5:3-4)

Another crazy thing… the Bible tells us to rejoice when we suffer. How is that possible? Maybe it’s because through times of suffering we begin to draw our joy from God and not our circumstances. Suffering has a way of shaking us loose from the illusion that all our dreams and desires are meant to be fulfilled here on this earth. We realize through suffering that we were made for another world, and our truest longings are fulfilled as we hope in God and not in ourselves. “Count it all joy, my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it’s full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

My prayer for you is that as you walk this road you can learn to surrender to Him. I know the word surrender can seem like a very scary thing because, in a sense, it seems like to surrender your desire for a child is to simply give up on it. However, to surrender does not mean you give up, it means you give over to God. Jesus modeled this heart of surrender through his prayer, “Let not my will, but Yours be done. For I am Yours.” (Luke 22:42).

There is such freedom and joy when we let Him take that giant burden off our back, and let Him carry it for us. This is the beauty of surrender. It’s not just letting your dreams fall by the wayside. It’s letting Him hold them. If He holds all your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), and counts every hair on your head (Matthew 10:30), don’t you think He cares about your desire to be a mom? Trust that He will accomplish His purpose for you in His time, and in His way. And regardless of if, or when, or how life enters your womb, I pray that life will enter your heart. Because God is the one who makes our lives full, and rich, and meaningful. He is worthy of our worship, not with clenched fists, but with open hands, and open hearts.

So…Where Is God When You Can’t Get Pregnant?

He is right with you.

He is there after another negative pregnancy test.

He is near you during the sleepless nights.

He sees every tear that falls in secret.

He holds your hand as you find out another friend accidently got pregnant.

He comforts you as you hold someone else’s newborn.

In the midst of all of these seemingly dark and lonely moments, he is there. Guiding you. Shaping you. Molding you. Wooing you. Calling you into a deeper, more loving relationship with himself.

He cares more deeply for you than you could ever imagine. Infertility is a labor of the soul, but your Deliverer is coming, and through the hard-fought journey of learning to trust Him and love Him more deeply, He is going to birth something more beautiful than you could ever imagine.

About the Author

Encouragement for those trying to get pregnantRebekah writes about the realities of God, infertility, and motherhood at her blog www.barrentobeautiful.com where you can find more about her story and this topic. She is married to her husband, Brandon, and mom to a high-energy, blonde-haired, two-year-old daughter, Selah.




Comments

  1. Renee says

    Love all the Bible verses !

    • Love says

      Hi everyone dh ttc 11yrs everyone around us is getting pregnant and its so hard to be happy..i feel so sad and i felt like giveing up on my marriaged but i looked up christian encouragement for ppl ttc and i came across this site and i cryed as i was reading it because it was speaking to me it has given hope..strength..i jus want to say thank you for the word of god and encouragement.

  2. Jane Matthews says

    Thank you. What a wonderful look into trusting God. While I read it to better understand how God views us through infertility, ( in order to counsel another), it spoke straight to this 50something heart about giving my own unfulfilled dreams to him and trusting that he knows and has an amazing plan for my senior years ahead. Beautiful.

    • Rebekah says

      Jane,
      I just wanted to thank you for your response to the article I wrote. And even though you were reading it to counsel another, I am so happy that the Holy Spirit counseled your own heart through it as well. He certainly does have amazing plans for you, and sometimes when our dreams go unfulfilled, we need to hear His whispers. As I struggled with this, I had to keep leaning into His word, and not just my feelings! It is so true that when we surrender to Him there is more peace and joy, and even more purpose than we ever thought possible. I pray as you continue to open your arms wide to Him in worship, He will reveal more and more of His vision and purpose for you! You sound like a beautiful person and thank you for encouraging women who struggle with this area. If you need more resources, any of the articles under the TTC (Trying to Conceive) category on my blog (www.barrentobeautiful.com) deal with this topic.
      Thanks!
      Rebekah

      • Amy says

        Thank you so much for this..i was crying and relieved after reading your story. My husband and I married for 5 years and still we are trying to have a baby. Thanks for this encouraging stories and please continue to pray for us women who really wanted to have a baby.

  3. Mea says

    Thank you for this post. I do have 2 children but it’s been over two years since we have been trying for a baby and nothing yet. It’s been pretty hard on me because a lot of others are having babies all around me so it’s hard to try to be happy for them completely when I myself have not been able to get pregnant. But I have been praying and I know that God has a purpose for this and that his will is above my own and he knows what he is doing. Infertility hurts even when you have had kids already and is frustrating since we have gotten pregnant before but it’s so hard now. I really loved this post and it really spoke to me.

    • Rebekah says

      Mea,
      I want to thank you for bringing up the topic of secondary infertility. I know two years doesn’t sound long to some people, but when you are walking through that time, it feels forever. I’m so glad God spoke to you and is guiding your heart through this, even though it’s not easy. I’m sure it feels frustrating to be able get pregnant freely with the first two, and then feel “stuck.” One thing I think infertility shows us, is the miracle of birth and life, and it all comes from God. I pray He does that miracle for you once more, and in the meantime does even more miracles in your heart during the waiting. Blessings to you and the little ones He has already given.
      Much love,
      Rebekah

  4. Kate says

    I cannot thank you enough for posting this piece. My husband and I have journeyed through both primary and secondary infertility. After a struggle we WERE able to have our wonderful son who is now 3.5, but we were unsuccessful in having another child. I have wrestled so much with envy and even anger, sins I am not proud of. Thank you for breaking the silence on this more-common-than-we-realize problem.

    • Rebekah says

      Kate,
      Thanks so much for sharing your perspective here. You are right in saying that this is a more common than we realize problem, and it can also feel so isolating to walk through alone. That’s why I started my blog in the first place, to give hope, and encouragement to women in this season. It is seldom talked about, and I know why. Because it’s hard, and personal, and just so…vulnerable. I praise God with you that He has heard your cry for a child, and answered by giving you your little guy. But I also know how hard it is to wait, and those moments you feel like the world rushes past you, but you stay still. Like I mentioned in my comment to Mae, I think when we struggle with infertility it makes us realize how much of a miracle it really is when a life is conceived and born! It’s hard because for some people it seems/or feels like they are in charge, and get to choose freely the number of children, and exactly how spaced apart they want them to be. While for others, it’s such a struggle and it feels there is absolutely no control over it. Truly every life is a miracle, and each one comes from Him. But I pray as you find yourself in a place of waiting, and sometimes restlessness, that He will direct your heart. That He will be your peace. Perhaps He has something greater in the works than you ever imagined. Whatever it is, I pray He keeps preparing your heart for it, and that you can hear Him when He speaks. And I pray you find the freedom in surrendering to Him, and peace and rest as you wait on Him. Much love to you and your family.:)
      Rebekah

  5. Kristie says

    Thank you for letting the Lord use you through this post. I’m writing this as tears roll down my face and I had to stop a few times while reading this. Both tears of sadness and joy and in the end I thank God for His Word and the peace I received through it. Our infertility journey has endured for 4 long years. And we’ve gone through a lot of stages but I’ve learned to enjoy every season that we’re in and the idea of infertility being a labor of the soul comforts me and sets my hope in the correct place. Thank you again! Thank you Lord for having this word for me today as I know that there are no coincidences in Your plans for me.

    • Rebekah says

      Kristie,
      Eventhough you read this post a few months back.. (I’m sorry for not responding sooner!) I wanted to thank you for your honest and heartfelt response. I know the pain and ache of wanting something so badly, and not knowing what to do in the waiting process. But I hope the Lord is continuing to encourage your heart to hope in Him, and rest in Him. And may He open your eyes to see the beauty, even as you wait on Him. Don’t lose heart, God does hear every cry and catches every tear. He has a good plan for you, and He will be faithful to see it through. Much love,
      Rebekah

  6. Eva says

    Thank you so much for this! I know that the Lord has used this to speak to my heart today. My husband and I have a soon to be 5 year old boy…a direct answer to prayer! However, we started trying again over two years ago. It is very comforting to know that I’m not alone and that others have walked this road of a long slow labor of the soul. You have such a God-given way of putting the rolling emotions that go with it into words. I’ve been hesitant to share this with others because you face a multitude of reactions. I don’t want to let a root of bitterness have any part of my heart and I sincerely hope the Lord receives glory from this journey He is taking us on as I know He is from yours! Again thank you so much for sharing! I wish I found this a long time ago…

    • Rebekah says

      Eva,
      I’m sorry I didn’t get to respond sooner to you. However, I am so glad that my experience helps you and gives you a lens to see this labor of the soul. I know God does hear your cries. I remember times when I felt stupid for asking Him for the same thing over and over again. But as I did, He really did do a miracle in my heart. I pray He brings you to that place of total surrender and peace. And not just that, but a joyful embracing of right now and the ability to see the good things He is doing. Keep celebrating your little guy, I’m sure he brings you so much joy! And may you keep your arms open to all God has for you and your family. Much love, and may the Spirit continue to minister to your heart–in the way that only He can!
      Love,
      Rebekah

  7. Anne says

    How can i believe that god is exist while he gave another who throw their child to the garbage and let her die?! Is that fair? Is that what he wants?!?!?!
    I already trying to conceive and take soooo many medicine from the herbal to the expert one.. Did my iui twice and failed!!!
    Thats my super fair god who i believed for 28years!!!!!

    • Rebekah says

      Anne,
      Thank you for being so honest. I am going to email you some further thoughts right now.

  8. Beth says

    Hi Rebekah,

    Thank you for sharing your story. Infertility is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. It is difficult to believe in God’s goodness sometimes when you see everyone around you pregnant and hear of all the women who throw their children away. I feel like a spoiled brat because He has given me so much and I doubt His goodness and love. I have become someone I don’t like – I have prided myself in being someone who cares for and supports others and now when someone tells me they are pregnant I almost cry. I hate that I am like that. It hurts but just because they are pregnant doesn’t make my chances less. I don’t like what I am becoming. Right now all I can think to myself is that I made a commitment to God to love Him and I am working on that relationship because of that committment just like I work on my marriage. Thank you for your article.

    • Rebekah says

      Beth,
      I really appreciate your honesty. Sometimes as Christians we are afraid to admit how we really feel, because we feel like we should be “stronger” than we are. BUT, God does see your heart, and hear your cries, and knows your longings. And those are not bad desires–but they can take you to a bad place, if they become bigger than your desire for God. I encourage you to bring those feelings and thoughts you are “not proud of” simply ask God for forgiveness for those. I had similar moments to you as well!! At the same time, don’t be afraid to be TOTALLY honest with God. Pour out your heart. Pour out your desires. Remember the story of Hannah in the Old Testament? She wept so bitterly at the temple praying for a baby, and the priest actually thought she was drunk! (Even though she wasn’t!) But I think this pouring out of her soul, was a beautiful act. And sometimes it’s the only thing we can do. The Psalms are full of David crying out to the Lord in a very honest and human way. So as you pour out your heart, I pray you will take in God’s word. The Psalms are a great place to start reading, just to hear those heart cries and make them your own. I pray as you demonstrate your love and commitment to the Lord that He wil reveal how much He loves you, and fill your heart with His hope and presence.
      Much love,
      Rebekah
      p.s. You might like to read a few of my other posts on my blog http://www.barrentobeautiful.com under my Trying To Concieve category;)

    • Alison says

      I absolutely feel your pain. I am there too

  9. alandria says

    This was so timely and hit close to home! Just another confirmation of how things are never in our control and our timeless God isn’t in our time and schedule when doing anything in our lives! Thank you for sharing this and may God continue to bless you and your family!

    • Polly says

      Glad it was helpful, Alandria!

  10. alandria says

    I accidentally typed the wrong email. This comment has my correct email address.

  11. Len says

    Hi! Thank u so much for sharing with us your journey on infertility, I am greatly encouraged to walk in faith and trust, believing that the God I have loves me infinitely. I and my husband have been trying to conceive for almost 4 years, and still nothing happens. The past years i thought i have already conditioned myself that it is okay not to have my biological child. It turned out that this year the pain of wanting just become even stronger. These days of waiting i cling unto God’s love for me. Though i cried secretly, cried openly to my husband, kept the pain and there were times i just scream it inside to God. I think the reminder that He knows everything i am going through is a relief… thank u. Your sharing of experience comforted me. May u be even more blessed exceedinfly 🙂

    • Rebekah says

      Len,
      I am so glad this post could resonate with you. Knowing that the pain of that season for us, is being used to bring comfort to others, makes it all worth it. I remember that feeling of confusion, and wondering what was going to happen–if anything? Thankfully, God is in control, and He is able to draw us so close to Himself through the difficult roads. I encourage you to keep directing those cries to the Lord–even it is a very loud cry! Think of Hannah in the Old Testament and how she wept opening at the temple, in her coming before the Lord. And all through Scripture people raise up their voices, and cry out to God. And you know what? This doesn’t scare God away, He loves when His children cry out (loud) to Him. He is a good Father, and these are moments where we can be so close to Him. The heart that is arrogant and proud, and has everything it wants–needs nothing from God, nor can it recieve anything from Him. But the heart that is broken, desperate, confused, and in need of a Savior–is the heart that can be transformed and shaped and strengthened by Him. I pray for more perseverance on your journey–as I’m sure it’s already felt like a lifetime. But don’t give up, and keep crying out to God, and keep surrendering to His time, and His way. Much love my friend.
      Rebekah

  12. Syl says

    Thank you for this post. I had two miscarriages and since then I have not been able to get pregnant. When I was pregnant the first time, I had no worries. Even when something started to go wrong in my pregnancy, I didn’t worry much b/c I believed God would heal me and my baby if needed. But when I miscarried, I just didn’t understand it. Why did he allow it to happen and twice. I gained many fears on those days that I didn’t have before. It’s so hard to trust God when it might happen again b/c it did. But I know I need to trust Him. I know He sees the bigger picture. It’s just so hard when you don’t see it. I was reminded recently how close He is to us; when I was crying at the doctor’s office, He was there, when I was crying at home, He was there, all of a sudden I got this overwhelming feeling that He feels my pain, that He is sad for me too, that He is crying along with me. It was a comfort I can’t explain. I don’t think I will ever understand why He allowed it to happen but I do know that He is with me, holding my hand through my journey. Please say a prayer for me, thank you.

  13. Ashley says

    Thank you so much for sharing this. You’ve put into words so much of my journey of trying to conceive for almost a year and a half. God has just recently brought me to a place where I am surrendering it completely to Him. My “plans” originally were to see a fertility specialist after a year if we were unsuccessful, but He has shown me that what I really need now – more than answers, more than a solution – is Him…to rest, trust, and quiet my soul before Him. I’m starting to see how He is using this to mature my faith and draw me closer to Him and find contentment in Him alone. I have peace (most days, it is still a struggle) that He has gone before me He is sovereign over this. I’m also encouraged to hear other believers sharing their jouney’s. It helps to know I’m not alone and that we’re all feeling the same things, but most importantly, trusting in the same God.

  14. Holly Conrad says

    Thanks so much for your encouraging words and Biblical scriptures! This really hit me hard today and I felt better after your read! We have been trying for going on 4 years now. It’s rough and I try to not think about it. Instead I’m delving into God’s word and how I can rest assured that God has my back! God bless!

  15. Liezel says

    Thank you so much for your story I could relate to every part of it and makes me feel a bit better to know that I am not the only woman who is going through infertility. It has been nearly three years and it’s been a very sad journey for me & my husband.We have a 9yr old daughter and only started trying for baby no 2 when we got married.I was going to see a fertility specialist but first prayed about it to God and he answered me by giving me a scripture Jesaja I think it might be Isaiah if I’m not wrong 18-22.So even though I’ve become impatient I have to put my trust in the Lord because he knows when it will happen.

  16. Victoria says

    I believe God would make you fertile when he pleases. I am Victoria Jefferson I have suffered from infertility for 14 years I have gone to so many therapy, taken so many medication I lost count at the 50th medication but my church member introduced me to doctor Philip after sending him emails and asking some questions he sent me his type of medication after taking it for 3weeks I conceived and I gave birth to my little boy Nathan he is 3years old now and I am pregnant again big thanks to God for sending me doctor Philip you can contact at drphilippeterson007@gmail.com don’t be barren meet the right source

  17. Sandra says

    Hello Rebekah,
    May I ask, why you weren’t able to conceive in the beginning? What did the doctors say? Everyone always talks about not being able conceive and all of a sudden they have a baby, but they leave out the important details. Did you conceive naturally, through IUI, or IVF? Were both of your Fallopian tubes open/medically fine? These questions also go to any other women who have shared a similar story, please be more specific. Please share:)

  18. Jonathan says

    Sometimes it seems what good is it if you just feel what I feel? Feeling sorry for a homeless man and not helping him as you walk by seems just as much as God does when bad things happen. Oh I feel bad but not going to do anything. That doesn’t apply to repentance, or works of faith, so why does it work for us?

    But I know everything isn’t gods fault. Maybe nothing is and it’s just this world. But I don’t even feel his comfort. What good is it to trust of nothing comes from it?

    I am trying to get back to this place, that he will Heal or help us. Not everything is his fault, he doesn’t bring bad or evil. It happens yes but why trust?

  19. Nishant says

    Hello Rebekah,

    Thank you for your post. Unlike most of the comment posters, I’m actually a guy – my wife read this post and it resonated so much with her that she wanted me to read it as well. And I’m happy she asked me – your post resonates so much with what we are going through at the moment.

    We’ve been trying for 9 years now but to no avail. Tried all possible options from IVFs to herbal to spiritual but nothing has worked. Our difficult journey has made me believe absolutely in the proverbial phrase “If you want to make God laugh, tell him of your grand plans!”. It is indeed very challenging to continue having faith in God and in fact, even increase it (to the level that you surrender yourself as you rightly mentioned) when you keep thinking that why does God not just give to us something so simple and so easy and everyone else gets it so easily (the heart cries out when you hear of one more whoopsie pregnancy). I know my wife cries many times in private and it is extremely despairing because I know I’m the reason for that (my sperm are not as strong as they should be). The pain of all these just becomes unbearable, at times, but then again you realise that, in the end, there is no one to go to other than God.

    Let me mention here that we are not Christians but rather Hindus but that doesn’t change anything. All religions advise the same and that is to have absolute and complete faith in God and surrender to Him. We have been strong believers in God but a few years back my wife could take it no longer anymore and almost lost faith but with His help is now far more devoted to Him than she ever was. We just hope that He gives us the strength to keep going through this phase.

  20. Jan says

    My sister just found out she’s pregnant for the second time. They “weren’t even trying”. How you lurch when you hear those words? I am blessed with a daughter from my husband’s first marriage and a son of our own. However, when we tried to get pregnant again it never happened. Secondary infertility is as painful as not ever having a child in many ways. Especially when others say, “you should be thankful for what you’ve got” or “at least you had the one”. I adore my children, grateful everyday. That didn’t keep my heart from grudging the child I wanted and longed for. It was a process. I had to go through a whole process of losing that child that never was. I sobbed, screamed, it hurt my marriage, but at some point I began to change my prayer and asked God for contentment. He gave it too me freely and I felt peace, finally. The peace that I expected from another child. He healed me. And sometimes they scar bleeds a little when it gets picked on, but the recovery is faster and God uses it to help me rely on him more. Thank you for this article today. Bless those of you who are hurting.

  21. Hanna says

    Beautiful. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. I just suffering an early pregnancy loss and going through the pain, I have surrendered to the Lord. I decided to completely clean out my diet, exercise, pray and repeat.

    I pray for strength to accept his will. Thank you for this article from the deepest part of my heart.

  22. Lindsey says

    Rebekah, thank you. The tears dripped from my eyes as I read this. I have become so bitter and angry from my infertility. I am a labor and delivery nurse, and I yearn each day to experience and have what these women I help each day have. Your words have touched me deeply. I cannot thank you enough for sharing this, thank you Lord for people that can change others’ lives by sharing their own experiences and wisdom. Amen

    • Rachel says

      Lindsey, so thankful that our friend Rebekah’s post touched your heart. I will make sure she sees it. And I will pray for your heart and God’s help for you right now.

  23. Darlene says

    There will be no happy ending to my story. I am almost 60, and I am never married and childless. And I will continue never married and barren for all eternity. And no one can convince me that this is best when I watch so many others blessed with what is withheld from me.

    • Terry says

      I pray that you find peace and that your heart will be healed. Did you ever consider foster care or adoption or being part of a mentoring children program. I know a lady who does. Although she purposely choose no children . it brings her much joy.

  24. sandra lopez says

    i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for 11 years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy.i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the net for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a man who Dr NOSA helped his wife to conceive a baby. i decided to put a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mom with two son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: drmosaspellcaster@gmail .com

  25. Isioma Dogo says

    Thank you for this!

  26. Terry says

    This post has been encouragement. The Bible verse s are awesome and will allow me to reflect. Funny how I did not want kids in my ,20’s or early 30’s. I focused on my career and looking for a stable mate. Well, I did. Got married but no one told me it was about too late. I am now perimenopausal. Given about 1%. I am probably too old now. Tried for about 2-3 years. Had a miscarriage early on due to fibroids. I had 2 surgeries. I think what is painful is that I waited soo long and that I don’t understand why. I tried natural, fertility pills and teas and brief course of infertility meds. They are so expensive and I did not want invitro. I would consider adoption but my husband will not. All my friends have children and grand kids and I opten feel left out. Some days I am glad I childless and some days I cry and pray. Recently at an event, friends I had not seen are all now pregnant. I feel mo jealousy but sad and empty at times. I would love to put it out my mind but how can I when I am surrounded by pregnant women. I have 3 wonderful step kids and i love them but it is not the same.