• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
Get our Freezer Meal Quick Start Guide
freezer meal quick start guide

Get Our Freezer Meal Quick Start Guide

Loading

About
Free Resources
Contact

Instagram

Facebook

Pinterest

YouTube

TikTok

Thriving Home

Food & Lifestyle

  • Recipe Index
    • Course
      • Breakfast
      • Lunch & Dinner
      • Sides & Salads
      • Soups & Chilis
      • Appetizers
      • Snacks
      • Desserts
      • Baked Goods
      • Beverages
      • Condiments
    • Method
      • Freezer Meals
      • Stovetop
      • Oven
      • Slow Cooker
      • Instant Pot
      • Grill or Smoker
      • 6 Ingredients or Less
    • Diet
      • Gluten-Free
      • Dairy-Free
      • Vegetarian
    • Ingredients
      • Chicken & Turkey
      • Beef
      • Pork
      • Seafood
      • Pasta & Pizza
    • Holiday
      • Birthday
      • Christmas
      • Easter
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
      • Valentine's Day
    • All Recipes
  • Freezer Cooking
    • Start Here
    • Freezer Meal Recipes
    • 1 Hour Freezer Prep
    • Cookbooks
  • Menu Plans
  • Shop
    • Cookbooks
    • 1 Hour Freezer Prep
    • Shop Our Favorites
    • Gift Guides
Search...
Home

The Four Marriage Killers & Ways to Avoid Them

Updated: 11/13/20

This post may contain affiliate or sponsored links. Please read our disclosure policy.


Writing about marriage is not something that comes naturally for me. I tend to hover near topics that revolve around the home, kids and food. These are comfortable for me to blab about and to share with the world. But, for some reason, I get a little hesitant when sharing about marriage.

If we aren’t careful, we can easily neglect the most important human relationship of our lives: our husband or wife. It’s so easy to shove the care and nurturing of our marriages aside for “more important” things. A baby or toddlers’ needs feel much more urgent. Hungry kids speak out a lot louder than a starved marriage. Activities and TV shows replace date nights, and at the end of the day we have so little leftover to give to our spouse.

After studying over 2,000 married couples, this researcher identified four patterns that predict a failing relationship. Learn about these marriage killers and ways to avoid them.

However, if I’ve learned anything in my 6 years of marriage, it’s that the temperature of marriage infiltrates all other areas of my life. We’re not going to have thriving kids if our marriage is drowning. Our home is not going to be a safe haven or a source of comfort if our marriage is cold. By prioritizing our marriage and giving it the attention it needs, we are indirectly nourishing other areas of our lives and the people in them as well.

The Four Marriage Killers

After studying over 2,000 married couples, Dr. John Gottman who wrote Why Marriages Succeed or Fail identified four communication behaviors, if occurring repeatedly, are almost guaranteed predictors of failed relationships. In fact, it is said that Dr. Gottman could simply listen to a couple’s argument and make a very accurate prediction about the future outcome of the marriage.

Pretty intense stuff, right? Now that I have your attention, take a look at the four behaviors below and ask yourself if you are guilty of any of these. It’s probably worth noting that we are all guilty of most of them at some point or another. I think the key question is, “Is this an ongoing pattern in your life?”After studying over 2,000 married couples, this researcher identified four patterns that predict a failing relationship. Learn about these marriage killers and ways to avoid them.

1. Criticism

What it is: Criticism is pointing out something negative by blaming a personality flaw verses the actual behavior. It is about who a person is. It is a form of verbal abuse and an attempt to tear down the other person’s self-esteem in order to obtain the outcome the critic desires.  It’s a character assassination.

What it looks like:  “You always…” “You never…”

Antidote: To combat criticism, use a gentle start up to a conversation. You can complain without attacking or blaming the person. For example, instead of staying, “You’re so lazy around the house,” try saying, “I feel frustrated that you don’t help with the dishes.”

2. Stonewalling

What it is: Stonewalling is behavior that shuts off communication and is used as a weapon of manipulation. It’s known as the silent treatment. The listener withdraws from the interaction and is simply silent. It is sometimes a way to shutout stimulation when feeling attacked.

What it looks like: The stonewaller just shrugs his shoulders, rolls her eyes, walks away or responds with a cold, “I’m fine.” A stonewaller is simply unresponsive to the spouse.

Antidote: Learn to self-regulate and process your emotions when under stress. Even simply communicating that you’re feeling overwhelmed and attacked and need some time to process is a step in the right direction. If you find yourself consistently resorting to this behavior, it would beneficial to seek out some counseling to understand why this is your default response to conflict.

3. Defensiveness

What it is: Defensiveness is a tool used in a conflict where you have completely shut out what your partner is trying to say and instead you are blame-shifting and avoiding accountability for your part in the conflict. It is used to protect against feeling blamed–a form of counter attack.

What it looks like: “It’s not my fault!” “Well, YOU were the one who…” “Why are you blaming ME, when…”

Antidote: Realize that in every conflict, there is sin on both sides. Accept responsibility for even part of the problem. Demonstrate a willingness to see your role in the problem.

4. Contempt

What it is: Once criticism has taken root, the heat can be turned up to contempt. It’s diminishing another person in order to belittle or put that person down.

What it looks like: Portraying harmful feelings of disgust and disrespect. Mockery, name-calling, sneering. Hostile humor. Tone of voice is the most powerful weapon in contempt.

Antidote: Build a culture of appreciation and respect. Look for the good in the other person. Seek to restore the relationship through humility and asking for forgiveness.

After studying over 2,000 married couples, this researcher identified four patterns that predict a failing relationship. Learn about these marriage killers and ways to avoid them.

Like I said, I think it’s important to remember that we are all probably guilty of a few of these behaviors on occasion. However, a pattern of these in your relationship should really serve as a red flag for you and your partner. Dear readers, there is NO SHAME in going to marriage counseling. I can’t tell you how many people I love and dearly respect who have walked through dark seasons in their marriage and have had to seek out help. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that almost every marriage could probably benefit from counseling at one point or another. Your marriage is worth the time, financial resources and effort.

After studying over 2,000 married couples, this researcher identified four patterns that predict a failing relationship. Learn about these marriage killers and ways to avoid them.

1 shares
  • Share
  • Email
Polly Conner

Polly Conner

As co-founder of Thriving Home, Polly’s passionate about helping busy parents get dinner on the table. With a house full of kids, dogs, and (usually) a DIY project in the works, she knows firsthand how every minute (and every dollar) counts. As a business owner, she enjoys wearing multiple hats and serves best as a project manager for Thriving Home.

Read more...

Reader Interactions

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

Have a question? Submit your question or comment below.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  1. AvatarRebekah says

    Posted on 12/20/15 at 9:23 pm

    These are wise words! Thank you for being vulnerable enough to start this conversation. It’s an important one. 🙂

    Reply

sidebar

polly and rachel

Welcome

We’re moms, cookbook authors, and freezer cooking evangelists. Our mission is to help your home thrive, one delicious meal at a time. Let’s make the most of your time in the kitchen! Read more.

Follow Us On Instagram!

freezer cooking

Order On:

Amazon • Target

Autographed Copy

Learn More

freezer to table

Order On:

Amazon • Target

Autographed Copy

Learn More
freezer meal quick start guide

Get Our Freezer Meal Quick Start Guide!

We’ll send you the best of the best recipes, tutorials, and freezer meal expertise. A $9.99 value for free!

Loading

Reader Favorites

marinades for chicken breasts in freezer bags

7 BEST Chicken Marinades

freezer meal

The 70+ Best Freezer Meals on the Planet

20+ Easy Crock Pot Recipes

smoothie packs

7 Frozen Smoothie Packs (+ Printable with Shopping List)

freezer meal update
New to freezer cooking?

Grab Our Freezer Meal Quick Start Guide!

5 days of recipes & tips from freezer meal experts.

Loading

Instagram

Facebook

Pinterest

YouTube

TikTok

About
About Us
Work With Us
Press
Recipes
All Recipes
Freezer Meals
Menu Plans
Shop
Cookbooks
1 Hour Prep Sessions
Gift Guides
Explore
Free Resources
Shop Our Favorites
Facebook Group
Privacy Policy
Accessibility
Disclaimers
Contact
© 2023 Thriving Home
Site Credits
Designed by Melissa Rose Design Developed by Once Coupled
Back to Top