What to Expect When Transitioning from One Kid to Two


transitioning from one to two kids copy

First of all, I think this post’s title is a bit misleading. Each family dynamic is different and there is no formula on what to expect when a major transition happens in your life. That being said, I am now close to 5 months into my transition from one to two kids and have a few pointers since this is pretty fresh in my life.

My first daughter was 22 months when our second child was born. Overall, the transition from 1 to 2 kids was MUCH easier on me than from 0-1. I think this just depends a lot on your expectations and temperament of your children. The fact that my first child had acid reflux in addition to a few other challenging circumstances, I totally floundered as a new mom. I was so stressed and struggled with some postpartum depression. Simply put, I was a mess after my first.

So as you can imagine, I was a little anxious to do it all over again. I even wrote a post about Six Things I will do Differently with My Second Child as a way to prepare myself for round two. Ready or not, our little man entered the world and my transition from one kid to two began.

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After five months into this transition from one child to two,  here are some things I think are worth sharing with moms on what to expect.

Ten Things to Expect When Adding another Child to the Family

1. Expect a change in behavior in kid #1

Some kids freak out. Some don’t. Some regress. Some don’t. Some embrace the new baby. Some would rather send it home with grandma. There really is no way to predict how child #1 will respond. Just know they will. A lot of it depends on their age, temperament, preparation, or even mood at the time when baby comes through the door.

Regardless of how they handle it, expect there to be some change. My daughter did really well with the new baby. Despite a few freakouts when the baby would cry, she didn’t have too many problems. She had to learn quickly how to play independently for longer amounts of time. She initially protested my delayed response time to her needs but eventually got used to it. She got a little moodier but it’s hard to know if that was just a developmental thing or a result of a new sibling. Who knows. I also saw her grow more attached to daddy which leads me to my second point…

2. Expect to have others help more with kid #1

This was something I didn’t expect. While I was in the hospital, my mom primarily took care of #1. After that, daddy was her primary care giver while I soldiered through the Fourth Trimester. In the beginning I was always so busy with the newborn that someone else had to be the one to feed, dress, bathe and play with #1. She had to get used to other people doing things differently and she adjusted quickly to new routines. If anything, it was really great to see she and her daddy start to form a special bond. They came up with their own games and jokes that she would constantly ask for. She learned to rely on him to help her when I couldn’t. I actually didn’t realize how hard this would be for me. I LOVED that they were forming a daddy-daughter bond but I almost felt a little guilty that I couldn’t do everything I used to for her.

3. There will be moments of chaos

It will happen. Things will get crazy, people. Both kids will be screaming their lungs out for different reasons and you will have to assess which crisis is the most critical to address. Or they will both be in the car and each other’s crying will just escalate the other’s fit. Or your toddler will have a massive tantrum at the exact time your baby decides to have a massive blowout while you are changing him. Or they both will be at their wit’s end in need of a nap and you have to decide who to put down first and who to let cry until you can put them down. Just know there will be crazy moments. What has helped me get through these moments is a little trick I learned from the book, Loving the Little Years. In the midst of chaos, tell yourself, “This moment will pass. In 10 minutes this will be over…” This little phrase has kept me sane through quite a few insane moments.

one kid to two

4. You’ll probably be way more laid back

All my mom friends agree – you get more and more laid back with each kid you have. First of all you just don’t have time to fuss over every little unknown. You don’t have the time or energy to search the corners of google about the little twitch your child’s mouth does or to figure out what the little red bump on their hand might be. You also realize that most things are minor and will eventually work themselves out. I found that I have been way more laid back about his schedule/routine. I don’t have the mental energy or even desire to keep up with how many minutes/hours he’s napped that day or to research when he’s “supposed” to drop that late afternoon nap. You get the picture. Round two is just easier. Sure, you’ll have different hangups because they are a different baby than #1 but overall, you are more prone to just ride the waves of strange behaviors and habits because you know they will end as quickly as another one will begin.

5. Child #2 tends to work around my schedule vs. me working around their ideal schedule

After #1 was over 3 months old, I was home for almost every nap time. I did my best to stretch feedings to be every 3 hours and had her schedule pretty much figured out. Well #2 is a bit different. This kid has had to learn to nap on the go simply because he’s had to. He’s got a big sister who needs a morning out of the house in order to remain sane and for her mama’s sanity as well. Sometimes the story hour at the library doesn’t quite line up with #2’s feeding schedule so I’ll just tank him up with a feeding way early and head out. I’ve also nursed in other places a lot more than I did with #1. I realize as he gets older I’ll lose the luxury of on the go naps but I’m stretching his abilities as long as I can.

Tyler

6. Expect less down time

A few days ago I was talking to a mom of four kids. She told me with the birth of each kid, she would look back and think, “I had so much more time when I only had one less than I do now!” When there is more than one kid in the picture, you’re just busier. There is very little time where you can do what you want without being interrupted or a minor crisis erupting. It feels like I am busy all day but at the end of the day when my husband asked what we did that day, I have nothing substantial to tell him. Sometimes I just say, “I kept kids alive and happy.” And to just prove my point, it has taken me two days to finish this post.

7. Expect less sleep

When you have your first newborn baby, you get to nap when the baby sleeps to catch up on sleep deprivation. With two kids, this isn’t really an option. For example, last night my 5 month old was up from 4:30-5:30 for various reasons. I knew he would eventually go back to sleep until 7 or 8. With one I would sleep into 7 or  8 with him. However, my toddler was up and ready to party at 6 am this morning. There just isn’t time to make up for lost sleep and like I mentioned above, you’re busier all day so you’re more tired. The good thing is you are a little more used to the discomfort of tiredness but regardless, you don’t have the luxury of napping when the baby is asleep.

8. Expect to break some “rules” and norms

When you throw another kid into the mix, you go into bit of a survival mode until you can find your new normal. When we were adjusting to #2, my toddler got to watch more TV than normal, have lunch on the floor, run around outside without shoes or even pants, have more snacks, play with my phone more, etc. There is a season there where you simply don’t have the extra hand you need so you have to do what works. I don’t suggest throwing all rules to the curb- just give yourself some grace and let some things slide for a season until you can figure out how to juggle both.

9. Expect to see your sin

Having a second child does not CAUSE you to sin- it just reveals what sin is lying way down deep and needed some specific circumstance to bring it to the surface. I really didn’t realize how selfish I was until I had a second child. I am so territorial about my time and anything interfering with what I want to do with my day. With one child, this sin surfaced a bit but this idol of “me time” wasn’t really threatened until #2 came. Not only have I seen my selfishness but I didn’t know how angry and impatient I was- particularly with child #1. All the challenges that come with having two kids can really take a toll on you. Just be prepared to see some ugly sin surface and don’t be surprised by it or blame your kiddos for your idols being threatened.

10. Expect a new normal!

So here’s the deal. Your family has doubled. It will NEVER EVER be the same. It is silly to expect your days to look the same as they did before #2. I say this bluntly because I didn’t really think through it. My first child and I had gotten in a really good groove and knew what to expect for the day. Now that another kiddo is in the mix, our typical day looks different. Meals look different. Playtime looks different. The time I am able to work and blog is different. Getting household work done during the day even looks different. Life changes. Big time. But the good thing is, you’ll find your groove again. Your life will eventually take on a new normal and you’ll adjust and embrace it.

IMG_0390I hope this post paints a realistic but hopeful picture of what it looks like to transition from one to two kids. Like most changes, it is challenging but totally worth it. I wouldn’t go back to my life with one kid even if I could. I love my new normal.

If you think of it, pass this on to any (second time) expecting mamas out there. I wish I would have known a lot of this stuff before I ventured into life with two kids. Hopefully my experiences can help others have a smooth transition.

 

 




Comments

  1. Kathy says

    Great post, Polly.

    • Polly says

      Thanks, Kathy!

    • Erin says

      I just Googled “Going from one kid to two” because I am having my second girl in four weeks (my oldest is 21 months) and I feel totally unprepared mentally. Finding this was extremely helpful. I’m still terrified, but hopeful haha 🙂

      • Polly says

        This was my hope–that people like you, Erin, would stumble on this post. You’re going to be busy but the baby stage get easier with each kid!

    • Polly says

      Congrats! So glad this helped.

  2. Rachel says

    Thanks! I’m expecting a baby at the end of the year, and will have a 22 month old at the time. Have been feeling a bit scared about how we would all cope!! This is a great post to read 🙂

  3. Brittney says

    I wish I could have read this 4 months ago before baby #2 arrived. Everything you said was spot on! With #1 I had a schedule and everything planned out. Baby #2 often naps in the floor, couch, swing, car… WHEREVER! Lol. The statement about revealing your sin is unbelievably true! We can only pray and try to so better! Great insight!

    • Polly says

      Glad to hear someone else has had a similar experience. Feel free to share any other nuggets of wisdom!

  4. Lydia says

    My Mister just turned One and my hubby and I are talking about #2. I am so nervous about adding a second child but my heart is ready. I had a hard time with #1 for the first 4 months and the idea of not being able to sleep when baby sleep really scares me. I am also very selfish and love my me time. Now I am able to lounge around and watch TV while Mister plays or naps. I am not sure how #2 will change things but this post helps! Thank you for writing it!

  5. Hannah says

    I am due with my second child in three weeks. I have a three and half year old. I am wondering if it’s easier with an older child when the second baby comes.

    • Polly says

      Well I can’t speak from experience but from what I’ve heard it is a bit easier with older kids. They will for sure go through some sort of transition but may not be as rocked by the change. Good luck!!

  6. Joanna says

    Thank you for writing this and putting it out there. I’m struggling a bit with the transition. My oldest daughter just turned 3 and my little one is 6 months. It’s such a change! Same days I just don’t even know how to cope and others I feel blessed and happy to dive into the chaos. It’s so true what you said about seeing your sin. I loose my patience and get angry and yelly- I don’t want to be angry Mommy. I’m learning ways to cope because I hate taking things out on my oldest, she’s so attuned to me and my moods. Well I should be sleeping, but I’m sneaking in me time!

    • Polly says

      It’s so important (for me at least) to keep the end goal in mind. The three year olds are quite a challenge so having the type of mom you want to be in the end in mind is critical to the rough seasons. Glad you got some “me” time!

  7. Jo says

    This is pretty spot on. My second is now nearly 18 months (whaaa? When did that happen?) and I was just looking at my big boy (3yo and a similar age gap as yours) and thinking we never get time to hang out, play, paint, do whatever anymore as I am pretty busy either with the extra food prep/laundry/messes or just trying to keep my toddler AWAY from whatever elaborate puzzle, train set up or game that my oldest is engrossed in. I miss that 1-1 time but boy I love my two boys, the ‘brothers’ and the way they interact with each other (5% of the time when it’s good). Remembering the early days and yeah it was so busy but it sure passes fast.

  8. JE says

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, experiences, and advice. I think it’s just what I needed to read as we (my husband and I) discuss having a second child. I was also stressed and struggled a bit with #1 and experienced postpartum anxiety; so reading this makes me feel more confident and less anxious about kiddo #2. Thank you. 🙂

    • Polly says

      Glad it helped. My second time around was MUCH better. 🙂

  9. Darcy says

    Fantastic read! Thank you for sharing. I’m coming up on the 6th week of maternity leave with my 3.5 yo daughter staying at home too..your words described my life. And I was amazed at #9 expect to see your sin…this has been a trying and reflective time for me.
    God bless ?

  10. Emily says

    I loved this post. Baby #2 on the way and Baby #1 will be 16 months old when he gets here. A little nervous, but I’m going to remember that phrase.. “This moment will pass. In 10 minutes this will be over..” lol Thanks!! 😀

  11. Ashley says

    Hi! It’s so funny, I was just googling “transitioning from one child to two” and came across this blog post. The funny thing is, I’m also a christian mom and though I wasnt expecting to come across a christian moms blog, it’s awesome how God will lead us! This is encouraging as I just gave birth to my second child 4 days ago and really needed this. Thanks!

    • Polly says

      So glad you stumbled on us! Look forward to having you around, Ashley!

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